When was the last time you took a quick look at your Facebook page and realized that two hours of your life were gone and absolutely nothing good came of it? Tell the truth; it was yesterday, wasn’t it?
Here’s the thing. Technology is supposed to make us happy and productive, not frustrated and miserable. It’s supposed to enhance our lives, not complicate them. It’s supposed to serve us, not enslave us.
I know it’s easy to forget that so I’m here to remind you.
Here are just a few of the annoying little gifts technology has given us that just keep on giving, day in, day out. They’ve become as much a part of our lives as taxes, bureaucrats, herpes and hemorrhoids. And like those irritants they will never, ever go away.
Spam. Spam, the junk food, is just nauseating. And you don’t have to eat it. Spam, the junk email, is like coming home every day to find an enormous pile of sewage at your front door. And you can’t avoid it. Our inboxes are where marketers dump their garbage. I would eat spam every day if it would make junk email go away.
ADHD. We are all hopeless addicts with the attention spans of hummingbirds. I bet we’d all test positive for ADHD.
Institutionalized lying. Before technology, people had to lie to your face. It’s so much easier when there’s zero accountability, isn’t it? If you can type it, you can lie about it. Want to be a best-selling author? Done. A CEO? No problem. An award-winning keynote speaker? Easy. A big shot star? Just say the magic words: Personal branding.
Debt. We can buy anything we want at the touch of a button. And we do. The economy is great and yet we’re more in debt than ever before.
Emoticons. A happy or winky face every once in a while was cute. Now it’s out of hand. Communication is devolving. Mark my words: There will come a day when we can no longer formulate intelligible sentences. Some of us are already there.
A web that never forgets. Thanks to Google, everything you do online is indexed and searchable for all eternity, like a bad tattoo you get late at night that you can never, ever get rid of.
Computus interruptus. Blue screens, black screens, frozen screens, rainbow cursors that spin for all eternity, HTTP 404, 502, out of memory, and the infamous Abort, Retry, Fail? Whatever it is work stops. And if you lost work, so does your heart.
Ads. Everywhere. You only used to see advertisements on TV and billboards. Technology made it cool to blast you with annoying ads that eat up your network and computer bandwidth wherever and whenever.
Hackers. All our deepest, darkest secrets – our finances, healthcare, communications, everything – are online where any two-bit hacker in China or Russia can get to it.
Smartphones. If leaving the house without your precious phone brings on a panic attack, you’re not alone. These appendages that are more important to us than sex and personal hygiene have turned us all into distracted, disassociated zombies.
Passwords. Even with keychains, password management systems and biometrics, usernames and passwords are hands down the biggest pains in the butt ever.
Facebook. What a ginormous waste of two billion sets of DNA. When I mistakenly end up on my personal Facebook page instead of my business page and see all the ludicrous nonsense idiots post it makes me want to scratch out my eyes.
Twitter Trolls. I don’t suppose it was ever easy being famous, what with the Paparazzi and all, but Twitter trolls have taken evil vitriol and stalking to a whole new level.
YouTube. Where brain cells go to die.
Media hype. Virtual reality, delivery drones, self-driving cars, smart clothes, smart watches, smart glasses, home robots, the Internet of Everything, Theranos – nothing ever lives up to the hype.
The sharing economy. It doesn’t take much to get people to quit working. So-called solopreneurs are mostly slackers with low-paying part-time gigs. That is, when they feel like working. That’s why the labor force participation rate is at a multi-decade low.
What did I miss?
Image credit sandwich via Flickr
A version of this originally appeared on FOXBusiness.com.