Everyone thinks Rudolph was mercilessly bullied by the other reindeer because of his big fat red nose, that is until Santa came along and let him guide the sleigh on Christmas.
Then all of the reindeer loved him. He made history. The end.
But that’s not what really happened.
Turns out that Rudolph was a thin-skinned snowflake who never quit whining and ran crying to Santa at the drop of a hat. Every little joke the elves made offended him. And he was nowhere to be found when there was work to do. That’s why he was never picked to lead the sleigh. That’s also why his nose was so big and red — from all the sniveling.
One day Rudolph was watching MSNBC and came up with an cunning idea. He ran around Santa’s village with a noose around his neck claiming the other reindeer did this to him because they were all redschnozophobic racists.
Then the whiny brat filed a discrimination lawsuit against Santa in village court, hired Gloria Allred as his attorney and held a press conference with Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton who loudly accused Santa and all the reindeer of systemic racism.
At that point Santa caved to the activists, reprimanded the other reindeer and announced that Rudolph would guide the sleigh on Christmas. Afraid of being accused of bigotry and losing their sweet gigs, the elves signaled their approval and all of the other reindeer finally kowtowed to the woke mob.
On a sad note, Rudolph’s nose turned out to be so bright that it set off Russia’s missile defense system so a lot of kids didn’t get their toys that Christmas but that’s another story for another day.
Anyhow, now you know the real story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Merry belated Christmas and Happy New Year; see y’all in 2023!