Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. I mean, who isn’t into dressing up and getting a little crazy once a year? That’s probably why Halloween parties are always the best. You can sort of act out a wild alter ego and get away with it.

When I was a teenager, I decided to become a Martian for a Halloween party. My mom helped to turn me green and dye some white clothes to match. I was the hit of the party … but I left green smudges everywhere I went and my girlfriend wouldn’t kiss me. Sigh.

A buddy and I resurrected the idea a decade later, but we went with blue instead of green because it really popped. And we were electrical engineers so we made antennae with flashing LEDs come out of our heads. This time, we left blue stains in cars and bars all over Dallas.

And get this: my first date with my future wife was at the White House in Laguna Beach on Halloween, c. 1988. She dressed as a flapper and she was hot. Still is. I was a geeky nerd. Still am.

Speaking of cosmic events, a dead zombie comet about six football fields in diameter that looks a lot like a human skull zipped past Earth just a few hours ago. And it was close, just outside of the moon’s orbit. Coincidence or cosmic conspiracy?

Meanwhile the U.S. Energy Department took a sledgehammer to our favorite fall melon, lecturing us about how “millions of pounds of pumpkins … destined for landfills” turn into methane gas and fuel global climate change. Seriously?

Which led my favorite Capitalist Pig, Jonathan Hoenig, to utter what was hands down the most cynical sound bite of the day on Fox News’ Cashin’ In: “Pumpkin lives matter.” LMFAO.

Just in time for Halloween, yet another study warning parents about the horrors of sugar for kids. Give me a freakin’ break. Yes, we know it’s bad, but come on; it’s Halloween, for God’s sake. Maybe if parents got up off their butts, got a little exercise, and ate something healthy for a change kids just might follow suit, don’t you think?

And speaking of the powers that be taking all the fun out of my favorite holiday, a few years ago they extended daylight savings time, which made me happy, but now the end of my favorite time change coincides with Halloween weekend, which is a bummer. You just can’t win.

One last thing. My favorite Halloween treat? Roasted seasoned pumpkin seeds. Yum. And my favorite scary movie? The Shining. “Redrum! Redrum!” Still gives me chills.

Happy Halloween, gang!