I was asked to attend a marketing conference in Vancouver, Canada. All expenses paid. Sounds cool, right? Just one hitch. It’s apparently a snowflake conference with a strict Code of Conduct. If you’re not “nice,” “kind,” “delightful” and “inclusive,” out you go. Same goes for off-color humor.

And don’t even think about coming on to someone, using profanity, or making inappropriate or suggestive comments. Such lowbrow behavior is strictly prohibited. Anyone who witnesses a Code violation is encouraged to immediately report the offending individual.

As you know, I’m a jerk who has no place in polite society. I wouldn’t last 10 minutes at a place like that, so I was forced to decline. Too bad. It might have been fun to show these Canadian snowflakes how we used to roll back in the bad old days of sex, drugs and rock & roll. Can you imagine? They wouldn’t survive an hour of Burning Man.

It’s worth mentioning that the conference supports “PresentHer,” an initiative that promotes gender diversity. There are exactly the same number of male and female speakers, just like on Noah’s Ark. Not a word about unidentified or transgender folks, however. And, of 20 presenters, only one appeared to be of color: one black man. No hispanics. No asians. Horrors.

Check out the full Code, below. It takes political correctness to a whole new level of ludicrous.

Sort of takes the sting out of getting old. At least I won’t suffer the agony of seeing where this insane society ends up. Idiocracy indeed.

And remember, should anyone ever challenge your utopian worldview or threaten your fragile little ego, retreat to your safe space immediately and call Dustin at Unbounce. Tell him I sent you; I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.