TRIGGER WARNING: If you’re a millennial snowflake prone to sensory overload from chattering, whispering, clapping, heckling, hissing or gendered pronouns that may trigger your anxiety and affect your ability to focus, you might want to pass on this, find your nearest safe space, wrap yourself up in a warm wet blanket and curl into the fetal position. Just make sure you’re not wearing any aggressive scents; you wouldn’t want to put anyone in a stressful situation he/she/him/her/it/they didn’t consent to. Also check your personal privilege at the door. Many thanks, comrade.

I so wanted to write about this dopey Democratic Socialists of America convention but I can’t seem to stop laughing long enough to put any coherent thoughts together. Must be sensory overload from my triggered limbic system.

Okay, okay. I got this. Wait, no I don’t. Okay, now I’m good.

First, you all have to watch this video. At least then we can be hysterical together:

If the notion of your own mortality upsets you, take comfort in knowing that you will not have to live in a world run by these lunatics for very long.

Think I’m kidding? I’d shoot myself in the head right now except for one thing: If there is an afterlife the thought of Kim cursing me up and down for leaving her to deal with the mess would haunt me for all eternity. I just can’t take that chance.

On the other hand, what are the odds that these losers led by Bernie Sanders turn America into a socialist nation? Less than zero.

Facebook Karen got me thinking about the similarities between today’sAge of Wokeness and the Age of Aquarius, aka the peace/love counterculture movement that may or may not be portrayed in Quentin Tarantino’s ode to 60s L.A., Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (neither of us have seen it yet).

Okay, I’ve thought about it and I can assure you there are no similarities. For one thing, the hippies at least knew how to have a good time. They knew how to rock. They knew how to party. And they didn’t just have their hearts in the right place; they were totally right about the Vietnam War.

These snowflakes are not woke; they’re clueless. Whiny wimps. Misanthropic misfits. If there’s a redeeming quality I’m just not seeing be sure to fill us in.

There is one possible exception though: By the time the disco 70s and certainly the yuppie 80s rolled around there were few if any flower children left east of San Francisco. It would very much surprise me to see the wokeness movement last anywhere near that long. So there is that.   

Image credit Julochka / Flickr