“I have famously huge turds.” – Drax, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Somewhere in the Santa Cruz Mountains some wily coyote is enjoying a nice turkey dinner.

Here’s the backstory:

For a month or so this wild turkey’s been trolling my pool — taking dumps on the coping and sometimes in the water, which is gross. Just so you know, turkey turds are not like regular bird turds. They are huge and disgusting.

Look, I get it; turkeys need water and we’re in a draught. That’s fine. I was happy to hydrate the big bird. Even tried leaving out a big bucket of fresh water, to no avail.

The problem wasn’t the water. It was the bird’s funny way of saying thanks. Even dogs know you don’t shit where you eat … or drink.

Don’t get me wrong. I sort of liked the big guy. He had guts and determination. I also felt a little sorry for him cause he was a loner at a time when other turkeys were hooking up and having families.

Maybe it was his hygiene. Who knows?

In any case, table manners were certainly not his strong suit. And so he had to go. Not by my hand, mind you. I tried everything to get rid of him but one day he just stopped coming. And that was that.

The bird was too big for a bobcat. Coyote dinner for sure.

The morale of the story: Folks will do pretty much anything for you as long as you keep your shit to yourself.

Image credit Lions! Tigers! Bears! / Flickr