I have too much stuff.

I put things down and instantly forget where I put them. To make matters worse, I live and work in a big house with lots of outdoor areas where I work and hang out. I’m constantly searching for my iPhone, iPad, MacBook, books, tea, water, wine, adaptors, sweatshirt, sneakers, glasses, keys, remotes – I can go on and on.

I’m pretty sure I don’t have dementia. My last physical turned up a bunch of stuff but that wasn’t one of them. I think I just have too many things – things I carry around, put down, put on, take off – and too big a place and too much on my mind to remember where any of it is.

Good thing my head is attached. Speaking of heads, the wife once bought me a CD called Happy Hour by King Missile because I liked the single Detachable Penis. I still have it. It’s about a guy who wakes up after a wild night out and realizes his junk is missing. I can totally relate. Well, sort of. I think it’s a metaphor but I’m not really sure.

Ever since I started hearing about the Internet of Things I’ve been obsessed with the notion of everything being smart tagged so your Wi-Fi network can keep tabs and nothing gets lost anymore. Sadly reality hasn’t lived up to the hype. Or maybe there just aren’t enough people with my problem.

I bet if we really had detachable penises there’d be an app for that. Find My Penis. Maybe I should grab the domain name if it’s available. FindMyPenis.com. Hey, you never know.

Nope, it’s taken. Damn.

Well this post did not go down the way I expected. Oops, sorry; no pun intended. Sorry.

Image credit Viewminder / Flickr