I was just reading some interview tips on cnbc.com from “Barry Drexler, an expert interview coach.” CNBC apparently knew he was an expert interview coach because his website is expertinterviewcoach.com. Also the homepage says “Interview Coaching by Barry Drexler – The Expert Interview Coach.”

I am not making this up.

Some of the expert’s expert body language tips: Do not sit on your hands. Don’t look down at the floor. Don’t give a blank stare. And so on. Thank you Captain Obvious. Did I mention that his homepage also proclaims, “Success is the combination of opportunity and preparation?” He literally stole that from Zig Ziglar.

Anyhow, that got me thinking about the hundreds of interviews I’ve conducted over the decades. Here are a few tips of my own:

Wear clothes

It is very important that you wear clothes to the interview. Do not go to the interview naked. Wearing pants or a dress is especially important. Also lingerie and swimsuits are not considered appropriate interview attire even if you are proud of your body. You’d be surprised how many people make this common mistake.

Do not twerk

This is actually one of the most common errors job candidates make. If the interviewer asks, “What are your best skills?” do not stand up, turn your back to the interviewer and begin twerking, even if it is your best skill. It’s not considered professional. That goes for men and women.

Avoid throwing up

It is not unusual to be a little bit nervous, but it is widely considered to be bad form to throw up during the interview. If you do happen to blow chunks, avoid projectile vomiting across the table at the interviewer. That will in all likelihood reduce your chances of landing the job.

Speak English

If your interview is in the United States, make sure you know how to speak English. For example, if the interviewer says, “Hi. Tell me about your last job,” do not reply, “Hola. Hablas español?” You might have difficulty communicating if you don’t speak the same language as the interviewer.

Do not punch out the interviewer

If the interviewer asks a challenging question and you don’t know the answer, it is not a good idea to lunge across the table, grab the interviewer by the throat and begin punching him in the face. In fact, it is never acceptable to physically attack anyone you meet during the interview process. Even if you believe they are zombies out to eat you.