My brain is completely fried. I’m like a vegetable. And that really bums me out. I hate being useless. Now I’m sitting here trying to figure out which vegetable sucks fried. Jicama I guess. That’s it, I’m like fried jicama. Now I’m craving fajitas and margaritas.

How did I get this way? 

JICAMA

I had to get up at 5 a.m. to take my wife to the airport so of course I kept waking up all night long and looking at the clock, even though the alarm was set. So instead of just getting less sleep, I got no sleep. How ironic can you get?

Now I’m a useless vegetable. Like fried jicama.

Yes, I am aware that some people get up that early. Some people are morning people. I am not one of those people.

There’s nothing more depressing to me than feeling worthless. Anything’s better than that. So I decided to quit work early, make a margarita and watch the ballgame. In the first inning Edwin Encarnacion hit into a triple play. It was all downhill from there. The Yankees lost. Of course.

FLETCH

Time to make some dinner. A piece of grilled fish with leftover fried rice and a salad. The fish is tasteless. The rice isn’t as good as the night before. The salad is meh. I’m starting to think that my brain just decided to call it quits on my taste buds. I don’t blame it one bit. Sigh.

This is seriously not my day. Even the dog looks bummed out.

LIV

Ever watch iZombie on The CW? Every episode the star zombie, Liv – who works for the Seattle coroner’s office – eats some brains of someone who was murdered and acquires that person’s characteristics.

Anyhow, if Liv ate my brain today she’d be very disappointed, I can tell you that. And yes, I know she looks pretty alive for a zombie. It’s makeup.

Ever notice how much of the weird shit on TV is set in the pacific northwest? I’m just sayin.

Tomorrow will be better; another day in paradise I’m sure. All I need is a good night’s sleep. So that’s it then. No point in prolonging the misery. Calling it a night. It’s been real, people. Thanks for keeping me company. Hasta manana.   

Image credit Healthline Media (jicama), me (Fletch), The CW (Liv), AMC (Walking Dead)