Has it really been 20 years since the turn of the millennium and the dot-com bust?
What the hell happened to my hair? My abs? My memory? My legendary hangover resilience? The New York Giants?
At least I’m still above ground, so there is that.
As I’m sure you’re all sick of hearing by now, I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions are supposed to be firm decisions. Resolving to drink less is about as firm as my brain will be tomorrow the morning.
Aspirations, on the other hand, are far more realistic. And you won’t feel nearly as guilty when you fail to achieve them, which is inevitable since nobody ever does.
In fact, I accomplished exactly none of my 10 Aspirations for 2019. Well, that’s not entirely true. I might have become a bit more mindful of how mindless I behave, but I’m not really sure.
It’s New Year’s Eve. That means another year, hell, another decade down the tubes and time for my 10 Aspirations for 2020 …
1. Try to take life a little more seriously.
2. Be 13% less annoying.
3. Remember that Kim’s dad wasn’t kidding when he said, “she’s the only person on Earth who gives two shits about you.”
4. Have a little empathy for the dumbshits, I mean politicians who run this country.
5. Take a stab at doing something in moderation. Anything.
6. Come up with a viable plan to get the hell out of California.
7. Face it: praying for the New York Yankees does not make me a spiritual person.
8. Quit picking on millennials; they’ve suffered long enough.
9. Be nice to the recycle guy – he knows how much I drink.
10. Now about that bestseller … aw, who am I kidding?
That’s all folks; the 201x’s are a wrap. Show’s over. Time to pop the cork and move on. Nothing to see here.
Happy New Year and have an amazing 2020, gang!
Image credit practicalowl / Flickr (no, that’s not me … yikes!)