I’m in excruciating pain right now. The good news is that it only hurts when I sit, stand or lie down.

I know it sounds bad but don’t worry; this is nothing new. I’ve had this ruptured disk forever. The pain is usually manageable but I occasionally do something sensationally stupid like trying to lift a ginormous section of oak tree that weighs way more than I do and end up wishing I hadn’t.

Not surprisingly, it was the mother of all sensationally stupid ideas that got me into this mess in the first place. I don’t mind telling the story since the distraction makes me forget about the pain. So does the scotch. So there is that.

My 25-year adventure into mountain living started with many naive misconceptions, most of which were entirely harmless. Most, but not all.

The first misconception was that a puny 4-cylinder 2WD Isuzu pickup wouldn’t get stuck going uphill in sandy terrain like we have on our property.

Back then there weren’t any cool YouTube videos with cool tricks like letting air out of the tires when you’re stuck in sand, which does work, by the way. So getting the truck unstuck was in my ridiculously incapable hands.

Which brings us to the second misconception — that a lightweight like me could pick up the back of a lightweight pickup. So I came up with this brilliant plan to lift the truck’s rear end so Kim could slide a piece of plywood under the stuck tire.

What can I say, it sounded like a good idea at the time.

There we were, me grabbing the right rear bumper and Kim ready with the plywood. “Three — two — one — NOW!” I shouted, yanking up as hard as I could. Then everything went black.

When I came to I was lying on my back and wondering who was screaming. Turns out it was me. I could barely move for days. It’s a good bet that that’s when the L5 disk ruptured.

So what caused yesterday’s episode? Wish I could say it was something cool like a ski accident or rough sex but no such luck.

I strained my back a bit doing some minor repairs on the house but what pushed it over the edge was, of all things, a nightmare. That’s right, I did it in my sleep.

Waking up from a nightmare and turning over in bed I instantly knew something bad had happened. Just like that.

Don’t worry about me. My trusty ColPac, 800 mg ibuprofens and time will get me back to normal before long. They always do.

These days I’m a lot more cautious and a lot less stupid than I used to be. Which is a good thing since I don’t think the old me could survive the young me for very long. I barely survived him the first time.

We’re all young and dumb once.

As for the here and now, between the distraction and the scotch, you know I’m feeling pretty good. But then it is getting late. Wish me luck in my sleep. No more nightmares. Not tonight. Please.

Image credit Universal Pictures